1 00:00:48,650 --> 00:00:50,450 I can be so good for you. 2 00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:52,970 I can be 3 00:00:52,970 --> 00:01:01,670 so 4 00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:02,690 good for you. 5 00:01:03,690 --> 00:01:07,130 I can be so good for you. 6 00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:22,740 Hey, Dad, you'll like this one. 7 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:24,040 Listen. 8 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:28,160 A bloke goes into a pub with a chimpanzee. With a chimp over 18? 9 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:30,980 I don't know. It doesn't matter. 10 00:01:31,620 --> 00:01:33,100 It may not matter to you, Arthur. 11 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:37,060 But I'm going to lose my license serving chimps under 18. 12 00:01:39,580 --> 00:01:40,800 I'm sorry, Arthur. Go on. 13 00:01:41,700 --> 00:01:45,480 Well, the fella says, the one with the chimp, he says to the barman, pint of 14 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:49,240 best and half for my friend here, the, uh... Yeah, yeah, I know. The monkey. 15 00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:50,300 Yeah, yeah. Go on. 16 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:53,340 So the barman takes one look. I mean, he has to lean right over the counter, 17 00:01:53,420 --> 00:01:58,000 because chimps are not all that big. I mean, this one's about... Who's decided 18 00:01:58,000 --> 00:01:59,120 all that important, Arthur? 19 00:01:59,580 --> 00:02:02,140 I am trying to set the scene for you, Dave. 20 00:02:03,660 --> 00:02:06,920 Anyway, the barman says, where did you find it, the chimp? 21 00:02:07,420 --> 00:02:11,380 And the fella says, I found it wandering round the garden, and I don't know what 22 00:02:11,380 --> 00:02:12,380 to do with it. 23 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:17,280 So the barman says, why don't you take it to the zoo? 24 00:02:17,780 --> 00:02:19,560 And the bloke says... 25 00:02:19,790 --> 00:02:21,470 I took it to the zoo this morning. 26 00:02:22,110 --> 00:02:24,290 This afternoon I am taking it to the pictures. 27 00:02:25,550 --> 00:02:26,550 Nice one, Arthur. 28 00:02:27,530 --> 00:02:28,910 You could have said you'd heard it. 29 00:02:29,130 --> 00:02:30,490 Well, I hadn't. I just guessed. 30 00:02:31,870 --> 00:02:32,870 Guess the life of Dave. 31 00:02:34,210 --> 00:02:35,790 What? Look at that dog. 32 00:02:36,710 --> 00:02:38,430 He's a club gentleman, not a pet shop. 33 00:02:38,790 --> 00:02:41,530 I thought you were supposed to be exercising that beast, not dragging it 34 00:02:41,530 --> 00:02:42,448 out of boozers. 35 00:02:42,450 --> 00:02:44,070 I'm the one who's being exercised, Arthur. 36 00:02:44,770 --> 00:02:47,730 Tell you what, Fido here could drink this place dry and still be panting for 37 00:02:47,730 --> 00:02:50,220 totter. It's the worst number you've ever dreamed up. 38 00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:54,980 You can't be choosy these days, Terry. There's a recession on. 39 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:59,000 Oh, you don't see that, can you? Look, what you see here is the result of hard 40 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,440 work. Sweat on my brow. 41 00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:02,340 My brow, you mean? 42 00:03:03,820 --> 00:03:07,020 God. Are you paying cash, Arthur? 43 00:03:08,740 --> 00:03:09,760 Wonders will never see. 44 00:03:10,420 --> 00:03:12,780 What are you doing? 45 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,100 Just looking at a queen, blinking at the light. 46 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:18,140 What's the trouble with television? 47 00:03:18,590 --> 00:03:20,010 Everyone thinks they're Jeff or Carrot. 48 00:03:20,570 --> 00:03:21,570 Over here, Terry. 49 00:03:21,670 --> 00:03:24,930 As a matter of fact, I do want to discuss business with you. No dogs. 50 00:03:25,190 --> 00:03:26,190 No, no dogs. 51 00:03:28,870 --> 00:03:31,230 The Lord has done some business, not talked about it. 52 00:03:32,210 --> 00:03:36,090 These past few weeks have hardly been a relentless grind, have they? The tide 53 00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:38,110 has turned, my lad. The wind has changed. 54 00:03:38,590 --> 00:03:41,010 The downturn has bottomed out, as they say in the FT. 55 00:03:41,290 --> 00:03:42,570 A lot of words, Arthur. 56 00:03:43,410 --> 00:03:46,750 How would you fancy yourself behind the wheel of a Mercedes? 57 00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:48,610 450 S here. 58 00:03:48,790 --> 00:03:51,270 Who's that a puncture? No, no, no, no, not mending it. 59 00:03:51,710 --> 00:03:52,710 Driving it. 60 00:03:52,730 --> 00:03:53,730 Oh, yeah? 61 00:03:54,290 --> 00:03:55,228 Straight up. 62 00:03:55,230 --> 00:03:58,450 So, Mr. Lilly, you want someone to drive him round for a couple of weeks, keep 63 00:03:58,450 --> 00:04:01,210 an eye on his motor, you know, make sure nobody nicks his hubcaps, that sort of 64 00:04:01,210 --> 00:04:02,530 thing. Your secretary phoned. 65 00:04:02,830 --> 00:04:04,070 His regular driver's on holiday. 66 00:04:05,630 --> 00:04:08,090 Well, I must say, I thought you'd be a bit more impressed than that, Terence. 67 00:04:08,350 --> 00:04:10,010 It's not often you get a cushy number like that. 68 00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:11,350 No, I'm waiting for the catch. 69 00:04:11,610 --> 00:04:12,549 There's no catch. 70 00:04:12,550 --> 00:04:13,550 That'll be the day. 71 00:04:14,350 --> 00:04:15,990 All right, all right, I'll get someone else. 72 00:04:16,540 --> 00:04:17,720 No, no, no. Hold on, hold on. 73 00:04:19,019 --> 00:04:20,380 I mean, think of it, Terry. 74 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,460 Two weeks living like the quality. 75 00:04:22,780 --> 00:04:25,100 Air conditioning, electric windows, 76 00:04:25,820 --> 00:04:26,840 in -car entertainment, 77 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:28,560 retractable aerial. 78 00:04:28,980 --> 00:04:31,080 Well, who could resist a retractable aerial? 79 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:32,400 Good boy. 80 00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:36,860 Now, I hate to seem vulgar, but is there any money involved? 81 00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:38,700 Is there any money involved? 82 00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:41,360 250 per week. 83 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,400 Cash. All yours. 84 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,640 Net. No deductions. 85 00:04:46,190 --> 00:04:47,570 No vat, no tax. 86 00:04:47,890 --> 00:04:48,890 No kidding? 87 00:04:48,930 --> 00:04:50,110 No, kosher. That's the address. 88 00:04:50,910 --> 00:04:51,910 Somewhere in Purley. 89 00:04:52,910 --> 00:04:54,730 Well, we don't want to keep manging around, do we? 90 00:04:55,650 --> 00:04:57,530 Jumbo here wants a quickie. Here you go. 91 00:04:58,130 --> 00:05:00,490 What? Then you can take him home afterwards, can't you? 92 00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:02,510 Terry. 93 00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:03,750 He likes a pint. 94 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:04,970 Draft. 95 00:05:36,090 --> 00:05:39,390 Yes. I understand you needed... Rose. 96 00:05:39,870 --> 00:05:40,870 Rose Mallis. 97 00:05:40,910 --> 00:05:41,990 Good Lord. 98 00:05:42,730 --> 00:05:43,730 Terry here. 99 00:05:43,770 --> 00:05:46,230 McCann. Are you going to say it or shall I? 100 00:05:46,590 --> 00:05:47,590 Say what? 101 00:05:47,610 --> 00:05:49,230 It's a small world. 102 00:05:49,530 --> 00:05:50,530 No, you say it. 103 00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:52,070 Well, come on in, Terry. 104 00:05:58,210 --> 00:06:01,630 There's been a lot of soap passed under the old wedding ring since we last met, 105 00:06:01,710 --> 00:06:02,589 eh? 106 00:06:02,590 --> 00:06:03,610 No, I'm not married. 107 00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:05,550 Bigger a speech now. 108 00:06:05,830 --> 00:06:06,830 Oh. 109 00:06:09,350 --> 00:06:10,350 Well, listen, don't you? 110 00:06:12,650 --> 00:06:17,010 So, how's Charlie? Still eating his cauliflower cheese every Tuesday. 111 00:06:17,530 --> 00:06:18,770 Charlie's got a new lawyer. 112 00:06:19,230 --> 00:06:23,050 He reckons with a bit of luck he should be out in five more years. Five years, 113 00:06:23,130 --> 00:06:28,510 eh? Well, listen, did he ever find out about... Well, you know. 114 00:06:29,030 --> 00:06:31,670 Terry, I'm not one to kiss and tell. 115 00:06:32,730 --> 00:06:34,330 No, no, I mean the buried money. 116 00:06:34,690 --> 00:06:38,190 Oh, oh, yeah, I told him about that. He was very understanding. 117 00:06:39,130 --> 00:06:40,430 Charlie Mellors, understanding? 118 00:06:40,830 --> 00:06:41,830 Got to be kidding. 119 00:06:42,030 --> 00:06:44,930 The Dillinger of Dagenham, he's about as understanding as a piranha with 120 00:06:44,930 --> 00:06:49,650 bellyache. Terry, I have a confession to make. 121 00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:51,730 There's a church down the road. 122 00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:54,210 There isn't anyone called Mr Lily. 123 00:06:54,870 --> 00:06:58,610 Go on. You'll be telling me next there's no such thing as the tooth fairy. 124 00:06:58,910 --> 00:07:00,250 It was me you rang. 125 00:07:00,780 --> 00:07:01,800 You little tinker. 126 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:05,560 I thought, well, we got on very well last time, didn't we? 127 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,740 I always like to have people I get on with working for me. 128 00:07:09,020 --> 00:07:11,220 Well, yeah, we did get on pretty well, didn't we? 129 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:12,560 Mr Lily. 130 00:07:12,980 --> 00:07:13,979 Get it? 131 00:07:13,980 --> 00:07:14,759 Get what? 132 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:16,440 Well, I still got that flower shop, you know. 133 00:07:16,660 --> 00:07:17,660 Oh, see, Lily. 134 00:07:18,420 --> 00:07:20,440 Yeah, nice one. How's it going, the old shop? 135 00:07:20,660 --> 00:07:22,780 Oh, still need someone to run it properly. 136 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,800 A top -flight man with his wits about him. 137 00:07:26,420 --> 00:07:28,540 Yeah? Well, don't we all, really? 138 00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:30,500 Hold on, Rose. 139 00:07:31,540 --> 00:07:32,720 One thing at a time, eh? 140 00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:36,300 Now, you've got thousands of pounds worth of motorcycling out there. Now, I 141 00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:39,140 told you need someone to drive it who could also keep an eye on it. That's 142 00:07:39,140 --> 00:07:39,759 right, love. 143 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:40,820 Yeah, that's right. It's me. 144 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:44,160 So from now on, you just tell me where you want to go and I'll drive you there. 145 00:07:44,460 --> 00:07:47,220 Ah, you don't meet many fellows like you these days, Terry. 146 00:07:48,060 --> 00:07:49,019 Don't you? 147 00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:50,520 Men with a sense of purpose. 148 00:07:50,900 --> 00:07:51,900 Drive. 149 00:07:52,020 --> 00:07:53,020 No messing about. 150 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:54,280 Men who get on with it. 151 00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:56,480 Well, let's get on with it, eh? 152 00:07:57,260 --> 00:07:58,260 The keys. 153 00:08:01,710 --> 00:08:03,670 The keys, madam. 154 00:08:15,790 --> 00:08:17,850 The old flower game must be coining it in. 155 00:08:18,830 --> 00:08:21,430 See what you get when you work hard and save your pennies. 156 00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:25,190 Does Charlie know you're living the life of Riley? 157 00:08:25,730 --> 00:08:27,850 Oh, not exactly, no. 158 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:33,220 When Miss Wright comes along for you, love, you'll find out their best 159 00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:35,940 always have a couple of secrets between husband and wife. 160 00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:49,680 Here. That's right. 161 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:55,120 Won't be long. 162 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,040 No, it's not mine. I'll just drive it for someone. 163 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:12,280 Well, it's power steering. 164 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:13,700 Yeah, they're very powerful, aren't they? 165 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:15,220 Automatic. Autocosta. 166 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:16,760 Is that a radio? 167 00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:18,540 Yep. 168 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:19,760 Let's hear it. 169 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:22,080 What would you want? 170 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,280 What do you need? A new aerial, mate? 171 00:09:26,660 --> 00:09:27,660 Oi! 172 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:29,400 Oi, you little bleeders! 173 00:09:31,140 --> 00:09:32,140 Oh, that's lovely. 174 00:09:44,030 --> 00:09:46,330 James. Turn the radio on. Let's have some music. 175 00:09:48,350 --> 00:09:49,350 Aye. 176 00:09:53,410 --> 00:09:54,410 I'll take one then. 177 00:09:55,050 --> 00:09:56,790 When you've done that, have a go at mine, will you? 178 00:10:01,410 --> 00:10:02,810 It's all right. I was only joking. 179 00:10:03,510 --> 00:10:04,650 I'm glad you told me that. 180 00:10:05,710 --> 00:10:07,750 So, what's Mr Lily's nice little game then? 181 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:08,779 Oh, that's terrific. 182 00:10:08,780 --> 00:10:11,180 Yeah? Dresses up in women's clothes. 183 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,400 What? Handbags, high heels, the lot. 184 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:18,460 Yeah. Then I take him to a few shady -looking little places, then I drop him 185 00:10:18,460 --> 00:10:19,640 back here and he gives me a nice kiss. 186 00:10:20,660 --> 00:10:21,660 He does what? 187 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,200 Gives me a nice kiss. 188 00:10:23,780 --> 00:10:25,940 Oh, my God, Rose Mellors. 189 00:10:26,220 --> 00:10:28,140 Oh, meet Mr Lily. 190 00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:29,660 Hello, Rose. 191 00:10:29,980 --> 00:10:31,560 You remember my name. 192 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:32,800 I'm flattered. 193 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:34,440 Hello, Albert. 194 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:35,640 That's Arthur, actually. 195 00:10:36,540 --> 00:10:37,540 Of course, Arthur. 196 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,160 Still the old boulevardier, I see. 197 00:10:40,380 --> 00:10:41,600 Well, you've got to make ends meet, haven't you? 198 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:43,860 Looks like you've found some more buried treasure, Rose. 199 00:10:44,140 --> 00:10:45,140 Yeah, that's right. 200 00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:47,380 Well, come on, Terry. 201 00:10:48,060 --> 00:10:49,540 Nice of you to drop by, Arthur. 202 00:10:49,740 --> 00:10:52,320 Well, actually, I came down to see if I could have a little something on 203 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:53,560 account. Oh, yeah, sure. 204 00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:55,100 How much do you want? 205 00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:59,360 Well, Terry's been at it, what, three days? A century should see her through. 206 00:10:59,580 --> 00:11:00,580 Right. 207 00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:03,320 Well, two, two or three hundred, you know. 208 00:11:04,260 --> 00:11:05,159 There we go. 209 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:06,160 Sure. 210 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:08,280 All right, Terry, love. 211 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:09,640 Give it the gun. 212 00:11:21,860 --> 00:11:22,860 There's a catch. 213 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:25,260 There's got to be a catch. 214 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,360 Stop over there a minute, will you? I want to get a paper. 215 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:35,600 See how my shares are doing. 216 00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:39,450 I don't believe this. You might believe it in the car. 217 00:12:39,810 --> 00:12:41,410 Where is it? I saw a bird there. 218 00:12:41,650 --> 00:12:45,310 You saw what? There was a bird. Her handbag was snatched and I went to help. 219 00:12:45,550 --> 00:12:48,630 And you left the car? You just left it here? I was only gone in less than a 220 00:12:48,630 --> 00:12:50,670 minute. I mean, somebody nicked the car in less than a minute. Blame the stars. 221 00:12:52,070 --> 00:12:55,010 I'll go and phone the old broad. They'll sort it out. No, don't do that. 222 00:12:55,530 --> 00:12:57,110 Well, we've got to do something. Come on, Terry. 223 00:12:57,390 --> 00:12:58,390 I need a drink. 224 00:13:05,350 --> 00:13:06,350 Cheers. 225 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:10,940 Haven't you ever wondered what my job is? 226 00:13:12,460 --> 00:13:14,060 No, I'm not paid to think. 227 00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:15,740 Well, I'll tell you anyway. 228 00:13:17,180 --> 00:13:21,640 I am paid a fat commission by some bloke to pick up and deliver things. 229 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:24,260 What kind of things? 230 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:29,080 Well, diamond kind of things. 231 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:33,460 Diamonds? I pick them up in one shape and deliver them in another. 232 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,440 Do you mean all those places we've been to? 233 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:38,940 Diamond cutters. 234 00:13:39,380 --> 00:13:40,920 It's hardly Hatton Garden, is it? 235 00:13:41,220 --> 00:13:43,440 They're hardly those kind of diamonds, are they? 236 00:13:44,380 --> 00:13:45,420 Do you mean a rot? 237 00:13:49,180 --> 00:13:50,180 Warmish. 238 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,920 I've been carrying hot diamonds all over London. 239 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,240 Sorry, love. 240 00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:56,660 Oh, sorry? 241 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,840 I still don't know why you can't report it. 242 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:06,340 Because in the car, there's 100 ,000 quid's worth of uncut diamonds. That's 243 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:08,460 Finally picked them up last week. 244 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:12,840 See, once a month I get a consignment and I put them in the place I had made 245 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:17,500 special and I take them out a few at a time and deliver them two or three times 246 00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:18,580 a week to these cutters. 247 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:22,800 Then when they're ready, I collect them up again, put them back in the place and 248 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:24,300 deliver them to Mr Tajvi. 249 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,380 Who? The boss. 250 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:30,060 All worked like a dream till five minutes ago. 251 00:14:30,380 --> 00:14:32,840 God knows what he's going to say about dropping 100 grand. 252 00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:35,180 Never heard anyone call him the good loser. 253 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,020 Now, hold on. Look, you might be lucky, right? 254 00:14:39,460 --> 00:14:43,720 Whoever nicked the car wouldn't even be looking for diamonds, right? All they'd 255 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,360 do is go for a joyride, nick the radio, and that'd be it. 256 00:14:46,780 --> 00:14:48,820 If we are lucky, love. 257 00:14:49,980 --> 00:14:50,980 Yeah. 258 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:52,880 Yeah, that's right. That's what I meant. We. 259 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:57,940 No. If you pinch a mug, it's because you know somebody in Timbuktu is going to 260 00:14:57,940 --> 00:14:59,180 buy it. It's gone for good. 261 00:14:59,660 --> 00:15:02,180 Oh, you've found out somehow it's carrying a fortune. 262 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:04,980 For a joyride, you take a mini. 263 00:15:05,930 --> 00:15:07,450 I still think we ought to report it. 264 00:15:09,550 --> 00:15:10,810 All right, cool. 265 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,220 Hey, you, get in. I beg your pardon? 266 00:15:50,660 --> 00:15:51,519 Get in. 267 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:53,960 No, my mum said never accept lifts off of strangers. 268 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,520 Mr. Tejvir wants to see you. Who? 269 00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:58,620 Best do what he says, Terry. 270 00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:00,720 Best do what I say, Terry. 271 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,820 Now, hold on a minute. No, no. 272 00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:05,140 Let's do what a man says. 273 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:06,560 Yeah? 274 00:16:11,660 --> 00:16:13,300 They come to see Mr. Tejvir. 275 00:16:23,579 --> 00:16:25,040 My dear Mrs. Meadows. 276 00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:29,400 Gentlemen, please do sit down. 277 00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:34,360 Some jasmine tea for our guests, Miss Corley. How do you take your tea, Mr. 278 00:16:34,420 --> 00:16:35,420 Davy? 279 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,900 Oh, just as it comes. No sugar. 280 00:16:38,260 --> 00:16:39,580 Ah, a man of taste. 281 00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:44,100 So many of your countrymen simply ruin a good Indian tea by throwing in 282 00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:46,160 absolutely pounds of sugar in it. 283 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:48,780 You, sir, have a discerning palate, I can tell. 284 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:52,020 Yeah, well, I like the nice cup of tea. 285 00:16:52,940 --> 00:16:54,140 I'll have four lumps. 286 00:16:54,540 --> 00:16:55,740 You don't take sugar. 287 00:16:56,420 --> 00:16:57,540 Now, five lumps. 288 00:16:57,780 --> 00:16:58,780 Quite right, quite right. 289 00:16:59,140 --> 00:17:01,680 Independence. Ah, that's what I admire in a fellow. 290 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,760 A chap who doesn't run with the pack. 291 00:17:04,319 --> 00:17:05,520 Makes up his own mind. 292 00:17:05,980 --> 00:17:06,980 Absolutely splendid. 293 00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:12,220 Nice? Oh, we'll have a lovely cup of Mr. 294 00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:14,780 Tower. Oh, a touch beer, as in Devere. 295 00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:17,099 Oh, the secret is quite simple. 296 00:17:17,380 --> 00:17:21,240 You see, you warm the pot and always take it to the kettle. Never the kettle 297 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:22,029 the pot. 298 00:17:22,030 --> 00:17:23,530 Oh, I must remember that. 299 00:17:23,829 --> 00:17:25,950 All right, we've had elevensies. What are we here for? 300 00:17:26,390 --> 00:17:28,310 Oh, I am sorry. I do apologise. 301 00:17:28,670 --> 00:17:29,750 You're very busy gentlemen. 302 00:17:30,190 --> 00:17:32,630 So I won't beat the bush. I'll come straight to the point. 303 00:17:33,070 --> 00:17:38,270 I invited you here to see if we can find a way to solve the matter of these 304 00:17:38,270 --> 00:17:39,270 wretched diamonds. 305 00:17:39,610 --> 00:17:40,790 Any sign of the car yet? 306 00:17:41,110 --> 00:17:42,110 No. 307 00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:45,270 Well, it's only been two hours, isn't it, or something? 308 00:17:45,530 --> 00:17:49,310 Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure the British police is most efficient and polite too. 309 00:17:50,310 --> 00:17:52,150 They don't bash you about for bloody nothing? 310 00:17:52,450 --> 00:17:53,450 Not like Bombay? 311 00:17:54,110 --> 00:17:58,170 However, it is my feeling, gentlemen, that even if the car is returned, that 312 00:17:58,170 --> 00:18:01,210 diamonds may not be returned with it. It seems to me, Mr. 313 00:18:01,670 --> 00:18:06,550 Tash, that this is a matter between you and Mrs. Mellors and my associate here, 314 00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:10,210 Mr. McCann. I really don't feel I can be of any help, so I'll just say thank you 315 00:18:10,210 --> 00:18:11,210 for the tea and slide off. 316 00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:15,590 Don't bother to see me out. I'll find my own way. I won't detain you very much 317 00:18:15,590 --> 00:18:16,590 longer, I promise. 318 00:18:17,890 --> 00:18:18,890 Peace. 319 00:18:19,530 --> 00:18:24,250 You see, it is my belief that the thief took the car because he knew what was in 320 00:18:24,250 --> 00:18:26,630 it. No, never. It was your average car thief. 321 00:18:26,990 --> 00:18:28,790 Oh, hopefully so. Hopefully so. 322 00:18:29,230 --> 00:18:33,690 But, you see, there's one tiny detail about this morning's regrettable affair 323 00:18:33,690 --> 00:18:35,850 which keeps nagging away in my mind. 324 00:18:36,110 --> 00:18:36,889 What's that? 325 00:18:36,890 --> 00:18:39,090 How did he steal the car so damn quickly? 326 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:42,920 Yeah, I've been wondering about that, I know. Oh, I'm sure you have, my dear old 327 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:46,660 chap. I mean, one moment it's there, the next it's gone like greasy bloody 328 00:18:46,660 --> 00:18:49,960 lightning. Yeah, well, there's some very clever villains about these days. 329 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:51,700 Oh, quite so, quite so. 330 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,240 Damn me if you haven't hit the hammer on the nail. 331 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:58,280 It is my conviction that this was an inside job. 332 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:00,780 What exactly are you suggesting, mister? 333 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:05,500 It is my total and utter conviction that the man who had access to the actual 334 00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:10,190 keys of the car simply got in, switched on the engine, And drove it off. 335 00:19:10,630 --> 00:19:11,630 Access? 336 00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:14,670 Well, it's Rose and Mrs. Mallers and me, I suppose. 337 00:19:14,950 --> 00:19:16,030 And Mr. Daly? 338 00:19:16,470 --> 00:19:18,230 I've never seen the keys of her car. 339 00:19:18,630 --> 00:19:20,030 No, I'm sure you haven't, my dear fellow. 340 00:19:20,250 --> 00:19:22,930 But you see, you provided Mr. McCann here who did. 341 00:19:23,170 --> 00:19:26,890 Do you see what I mean? Are you suggesting that my associate stole your 342 00:19:26,890 --> 00:19:27,890 in your car? 343 00:19:27,930 --> 00:19:31,270 No. Well, that's all right, then. Otherwise, I'd have to hand it over to 344 00:19:31,270 --> 00:19:33,470 solicitors. I am not accusing him alone. 345 00:19:33,890 --> 00:19:35,490 I'm accusing him and you together. 346 00:19:35,830 --> 00:19:37,030 Collusion, do you see? 347 00:19:37,570 --> 00:19:38,570 Pulling a ringer. 348 00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:40,550 Working a first one. Putting in the pick. 349 00:19:40,750 --> 00:19:41,910 Now, hold on, hold on. 350 00:19:42,290 --> 00:19:45,010 Listen, I don't want to sound ungallant or anything, but you seem to keep 351 00:19:45,010 --> 00:19:47,990 forgetting that Mrs. Mellors had access to those keys. I mean, it was her 352 00:19:47,990 --> 00:19:49,090 bleeding car to start with. 353 00:19:49,330 --> 00:19:51,530 Oh, quite right, quite right. Quite absolutely correct. 354 00:19:52,030 --> 00:19:55,670 However, you're forgetting that Mrs. Mellors here has been doing a, oh, 355 00:19:55,750 --> 00:20:00,310 perfectly marvellous job for me for over a year. And not as much as a parking 356 00:20:00,310 --> 00:20:01,310 ticket. 357 00:20:01,390 --> 00:20:05,570 Now, you two gentlemen appear on the scene, and within three days, I have 358 00:20:05,570 --> 00:20:08,650 mislaid... 100 ,000 pounds worth of uncut diamonds. 359 00:20:09,050 --> 00:20:11,830 Something tells me there is a rat in the ointment somewhere. 360 00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:14,410 Listen, Gunga Tim, we haven't got your rotten diamonds. 361 00:20:14,810 --> 00:20:19,210 Oh, I do so hope my suspicions are unfounded. I wish it from the bottom of 362 00:20:19,210 --> 00:20:22,090 heart. How do we prove we are not your tea leaves? 363 00:20:22,450 --> 00:20:23,449 Tea leaves? 364 00:20:23,450 --> 00:20:25,730 Thieves. How can we prove we haven't got your stuff? 365 00:20:26,150 --> 00:20:28,270 Oh, I see. Quite simple. 366 00:20:28,870 --> 00:20:33,390 You return the car here within 24 hours, complete with diamonds. 367 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,980 He's potty. Oh, potty. 368 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:40,200 Tea leaves. 369 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:44,620 Ah, yes, yes. You are witty, gentlemen, making puns like that. Really, it's a 370 00:20:44,620 --> 00:20:45,620 great gift. 371 00:20:46,060 --> 00:20:47,560 No, seriously, I mean it. 372 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:52,500 The car here can sleep with the diamonds by noon tomorrow. 373 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:58,260 Or? Or my man out here with his associates will have the authority to 374 00:20:58,260 --> 00:21:00,740 into little pieces, as they say. 375 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,940 But let us not look on the dark side, gentlemen. 376 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:08,740 Let us all meet here tomorrow, complete with the car and the diamond, and we 377 00:21:08,740 --> 00:21:10,660 shall all have a splendid cup of that jasmine tea. 378 00:21:17,020 --> 00:21:18,020 Careful! 379 00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:19,860 Sorry, Terry. 380 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:20,979 Hello, Arthur. 381 00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:21,980 Yes? 382 00:21:22,060 --> 00:21:23,060 What's up? 383 00:21:23,580 --> 00:21:25,760 Mrs. Mellors has had her murk ripped off. 384 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:27,280 Oh, dear. 385 00:21:27,380 --> 00:21:28,380 Insured, was it? 386 00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:31,980 Well, no, that's not really the point, as you see. It's the principle of the 387 00:21:31,980 --> 00:21:35,900 thing. Terry, I swear on Queen's Park Rangers, I had nothing to do with it. 388 00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:40,660 Look, somebody whips a 450 SEL in 30 seconds flat. Now, if you haven't got a 389 00:21:40,660 --> 00:21:41,740 key, how do you do that? 390 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:46,220 You don't. The record for a Merc is something like five minutes, 20 seconds. 391 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:47,760 You keep records? 392 00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:52,000 Well, they have a contest each year. You know, a kind of car thieves Olympics. 393 00:21:52,700 --> 00:21:55,180 Just for fun, you know. So someone must have had a key. 394 00:21:55,500 --> 00:21:56,500 Yeah. 395 00:21:56,660 --> 00:21:59,960 Who? The keys were never out of my hands. Never. 396 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:07,400 Um... Pardon me for asking this, but this car, was it... Well, I mean, did 397 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:08,400 get it kosher? 398 00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:09,660 Kosher? Why? 399 00:22:09,980 --> 00:22:12,440 Well, there's this bloke they call Yo -Yo Pickles in the trade. 400 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,440 Seems he once pinched a roller for someone who welshed on the pride. 401 00:22:15,900 --> 00:22:20,160 And ever since then, every time he nicks the motor for a special customer, he 402 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:23,720 tapes a spare set of keys behind the rear light. Then if the punter doesn't 403 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:28,780 up the agreed price, well, Yo -Yo waits a bit, goes round and steals the car 404 00:22:28,780 --> 00:22:29,609 back again. 405 00:22:29,610 --> 00:22:31,190 Using the spare set of keys behind the light. 406 00:22:31,430 --> 00:22:33,550 I bought it brand new from the showroom. 407 00:22:33,830 --> 00:22:34,830 Ah. 408 00:22:35,290 --> 00:22:36,710 Well, I wish I could be more helpful. 409 00:22:37,450 --> 00:22:38,530 Have you tried the law? 410 00:22:38,870 --> 00:22:41,830 Don't be disgusting, Des. I mean, it comes to something when you go ask the 411 00:22:41,830 --> 00:22:42,830 police to help, doesn't it? 412 00:22:43,210 --> 00:22:44,610 I don't think there's any option. 413 00:22:45,290 --> 00:22:46,290 No? 414 00:22:47,490 --> 00:22:48,550 All right, I'll go. 415 00:22:48,770 --> 00:22:49,930 I talk their language. 416 00:22:50,650 --> 00:22:57,070 Listen, I know a couple of fellows in the motor business. Maybe they've heard 417 00:22:57,070 --> 00:22:59,210 something. You've got a phone I can use. 418 00:22:59,530 --> 00:23:00,930 Oh, yes, yes. Help yourself. 419 00:23:05,150 --> 00:23:06,150 Who's she, then? 420 00:23:06,430 --> 00:23:07,429 Rose Mellis. 421 00:23:07,430 --> 00:23:09,370 Her old man Charlie's doing 15 years. 422 00:23:10,250 --> 00:23:13,770 Oh, you know some funny people, Terry. Hello, Steve. Listen, compared with the 423 00:23:13,770 --> 00:23:15,350 mob we're dealing with at the moment, he's hilarious. 424 00:23:15,930 --> 00:23:17,890 I'm fine. What's her motor to you, then? 425 00:23:18,550 --> 00:23:20,450 No, it's what's in it. I've got a problem. 426 00:23:20,750 --> 00:23:23,250 What is it? A big pile of diamonds. 427 00:23:23,950 --> 00:23:25,090 Oh, you're joking. 428 00:23:25,450 --> 00:23:26,910 Oh, yeah, it's me, isn't it? 429 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,240 If we don't find them, there's a little Indian geezer who's going to turn Arthur 430 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:31,240 and me into a crowd. 431 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,000 We may have had some luck. Come on. 432 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,260 What, Tasbeer falling off his elephant? 433 00:23:43,340 --> 00:23:46,840 It's the duty of the police to do what? To find it. 434 00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:48,660 I pay my taxes. 435 00:23:49,700 --> 00:23:53,620 And my rate. And it says on the rates bill that a certain amount of that goes 436 00:23:53,620 --> 00:23:54,760 towards supporting your lot. 437 00:23:55,340 --> 00:23:56,420 Someone's nicked your car. 438 00:23:56,720 --> 00:24:00,340 And you want us to drop everything and look for it? Well, keep a token force 439 00:24:00,340 --> 00:24:01,340 direct in the traffic. 440 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:05,460 And don't stop the SPG from apprehending people using the bus lanes at 441 00:24:05,460 --> 00:24:06,460 Hammersmith. 442 00:24:17,180 --> 00:24:18,180 Sid? 443 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,260 Hello, Rosie lad. Hello, Sid. 444 00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,500 How's Charlie? Oh, he's fine, Sid, fine. 445 00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,180 Must go and pay my visit one of these days. 446 00:24:28,460 --> 00:24:31,480 Yeah. Look, Sid, we're looking for my car. 447 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:32,999 Terrible business. 448 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:34,560 You've got to nail everything down these days. 449 00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:35,960 You know what? 450 00:24:36,020 --> 00:24:38,280 They ought to bring back National Service. That'll stop some of these 451 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:39,099 -figured gents. 452 00:24:39,100 --> 00:24:41,600 Hold on, we're in a bit of a hurry. We thought you might know something. 453 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:45,680 Oh, yes. Well, Fred Priest over in Camberwell, he says some funny fellow 454 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:46,860 trying to flog you in Merck this afternoon. 455 00:24:47,260 --> 00:24:48,259 Colour? Number? 456 00:24:48,260 --> 00:24:49,039 Didn't say. 457 00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:50,040 You'll have to go and see him. 458 00:24:50,300 --> 00:24:51,300 You need grease in? 459 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:52,800 Grasp me no bleeder. 460 00:24:53,180 --> 00:24:54,220 Thanks, Sid. Thanks a lot. 461 00:24:54,460 --> 00:24:55,339 Any time, love. 462 00:24:55,340 --> 00:24:56,340 Hold on, hold on. 463 00:24:56,700 --> 00:24:59,820 Look, we've been at it five hours already, right? And all we've done is 464 00:24:59,820 --> 00:25:01,260 from one flash, Harry, to another. 465 00:25:01,540 --> 00:25:02,620 Have you got any better ideas? 466 00:25:03,620 --> 00:25:05,480 Well... I'm doing my best, Terry. 467 00:25:05,780 --> 00:25:07,220 I mean, it's not me they're after. 468 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:10,640 I could go home, put me feet up, have a drink, watch Crossroads. 469 00:25:12,580 --> 00:25:13,580 Yeah. 470 00:25:17,940 --> 00:25:19,420 Camberwell. And don't hang about, eh? 471 00:25:41,740 --> 00:25:45,660 Having dealt with banketry, burglary and bank robbery, we can now get down to 472 00:25:45,660 --> 00:25:47,420 the really important business of war. 473 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:49,840 What make is it? 474 00:25:51,220 --> 00:25:52,920 Oh, um, it's, uh, 475 00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:59,180 uh, you know, uh... Oh, I know. A man of your means can't really be expected to 476 00:25:59,180 --> 00:26:02,280 remember trivial details like what kind of car he's got. 477 00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:04,180 It's not exactly mine. 478 00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:07,100 It sounds as though you nicked it, Arthur. 479 00:26:07,380 --> 00:26:11,100 That is slander, Charlie. I've a good mind to insist on my lawyer being 480 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,920 Arthur, we didn't bring you in. You came to us. 481 00:26:14,340 --> 00:26:15,660 Right, Sam. It's a Merc. 482 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:17,560 450 SEL. 483 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,880 Registration number EUU47V. 484 00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:22,240 A what? 485 00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:24,300 It belongs to a friend. 486 00:26:31,500 --> 00:26:32,760 Hiya, lads. What's up? 487 00:26:33,900 --> 00:26:34,900 Hi, lads. 488 00:26:35,140 --> 00:26:36,140 How's it going? 489 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:45,520 Hello, love. 490 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:47,100 Can I talk to your cue, then? 491 00:26:48,380 --> 00:26:50,400 You're a funny fella, you know that? 492 00:26:50,980 --> 00:26:51,980 Palladium next week. 493 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:54,060 This your cue, then? 494 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:55,179 That's right. 495 00:26:55,180 --> 00:26:56,740 Bet you're a dab -hand with it. 496 00:26:56,980 --> 00:26:57,980 Try me. 497 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:02,180 Any more comedians while we're at it? Rose! Rose. 498 00:27:02,980 --> 00:27:05,460 Sorry. I'm sorry about that, fellas. We're just looking for someone. 499 00:27:05,740 --> 00:27:06,659 Who's your one? 500 00:27:06,660 --> 00:27:08,280 A geezer called Yo -Yo Pickles. 501 00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:09,720 Yo -Yo Pickles? 502 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:11,940 Yo -Yo. Here he is. Yo -Yo. 503 00:27:12,940 --> 00:27:13,940 What's up with him? 504 00:27:14,220 --> 00:27:15,960 He's back with him for the next Olympics. 505 00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:17,920 Listen, can we have a word somewhere? 506 00:27:18,540 --> 00:27:19,540 Yeah, sure. 507 00:27:19,660 --> 00:27:21,120 Cheers. What's this all about, Des? 508 00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,340 Tell you, tell you. Look, Mrs Mellor's here. 509 00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:26,640 Mellor's? Exactly. 510 00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:28,300 She's had her Mercedes nicked. 511 00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:30,680 Des said that you might have some thoughts on the subject. 512 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,000 Nah. I only do rollers these days. 513 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:34,760 You know about the merch radio, you? 514 00:27:35,300 --> 00:27:36,420 Yeah, well, a big wheel of frogs. 515 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:38,840 Maybe you should keep your eye on Bognor. 516 00:27:39,180 --> 00:27:40,180 That's where they're shipped from. 517 00:27:40,500 --> 00:27:42,160 Bognor? We haven't got much time. 518 00:27:42,830 --> 00:27:43,609 How do you mean? 519 00:27:43,610 --> 00:27:46,350 If we don't find it by tonight, some of that. 520 00:27:48,270 --> 00:27:49,270 Yeah, all right. 521 00:27:49,350 --> 00:27:50,350 I'll ring round. 522 00:27:50,430 --> 00:27:51,430 Cheers. 523 00:27:52,910 --> 00:27:53,910 And see you again. 524 00:27:54,710 --> 00:27:55,710 Days? 525 00:27:55,950 --> 00:27:58,450 Your car, Arthur, is probably halfway took away by now. 526 00:28:00,030 --> 00:28:00,789 All right. 527 00:28:00,790 --> 00:28:02,670 I'll put the word about it. Oh, thanks, Charlie. 528 00:28:03,050 --> 00:28:04,050 It's very similar. 529 00:28:04,430 --> 00:28:05,930 Oh, yeah, hang about. 530 00:28:06,910 --> 00:28:08,050 Better give me the name of the owner. 531 00:28:09,690 --> 00:28:10,690 The owner? 532 00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:12,940 Too shy to come himself, is he? 533 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:17,200 Yeah, well, um... Is it really necessary? 534 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:19,800 No. 535 00:28:20,360 --> 00:28:22,060 Fastening. Rose. 536 00:28:22,820 --> 00:28:24,700 What? Rose Meadows. 537 00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:28,780 Rose Meadows. 538 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:30,980 Charlie Meadows' missus. Eh? 539 00:28:31,460 --> 00:28:33,100 The Dillinger of Dagenham. 540 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:34,960 The... Huh? 541 00:28:35,900 --> 00:28:37,640 No. No, I don't think so. 542 00:28:38,220 --> 00:28:39,220 Here's anyway. 543 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:45,740 Dad, no -one's heard anything about a murk today. 544 00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:48,520 Yeah, well, thanks a lot, mate. Ta -ra, Des. 545 00:28:48,740 --> 00:28:49,699 Yeah, see you, Terry. 546 00:28:49,700 --> 00:28:50,900 Bye. Take care of yourself. 547 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:52,200 Ta -ra. 548 00:28:54,900 --> 00:28:55,900 What's the big deal, anyway? 549 00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:57,700 You can send Nick another one. 550 00:28:58,040 --> 00:28:59,340 No, not like that one. 551 00:28:59,780 --> 00:29:00,780 Come on, let's have a game. 552 00:29:01,180 --> 00:29:02,180 Yeah, why? 553 00:29:11,210 --> 00:29:12,930 What's your mind? I've got one with three left feet. 554 00:29:13,250 --> 00:29:14,250 Hello, Jack. 555 00:29:15,050 --> 00:29:16,050 How's it going, Tarzan? 556 00:29:16,650 --> 00:29:17,650 Rose? 557 00:29:17,850 --> 00:29:19,630 Rose, where have you been? I've got to talk to you. 558 00:29:20,030 --> 00:29:21,430 I've been waiting all afternoon. 559 00:29:23,630 --> 00:29:24,630 Rose? 560 00:29:25,550 --> 00:29:28,790 Go in and make yourself a drink, will you, love? I've got a bit of business 561 00:29:28,790 --> 00:29:30,010 Jack. Come on, Jack. 562 00:29:31,990 --> 00:29:32,990 What happened? 563 00:29:37,210 --> 00:29:39,410 What happened, Jack? For crying out loud, what happened? 564 00:29:39,730 --> 00:29:40,729 What went wrong? 565 00:29:40,730 --> 00:29:43,110 Well, I got the hang of the motor, didn't I? I mean, automatic. 566 00:29:43,470 --> 00:29:46,850 You only had to bother with the brake and the other thing. What's it called? 567 00:29:46,850 --> 00:29:48,570 accelerator. Keep your voice down. 568 00:29:48,810 --> 00:29:50,130 Just tell me what happened. 569 00:29:54,190 --> 00:29:57,950 Well, I nicked the motor all right, didn't I? I mean, he didn't see me, did 570 00:29:58,190 --> 00:29:59,610 Yeah, Jack, you did very well. 571 00:29:59,890 --> 00:30:00,890 Then what? 572 00:30:00,930 --> 00:30:01,930 Well, I was going great. 573 00:30:02,310 --> 00:30:04,050 Turning this way, turning that. 574 00:30:04,290 --> 00:30:05,830 I remembered all my air signals. 575 00:30:06,300 --> 00:30:07,300 And signals. 576 00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:08,360 Well, it was going terrific. 577 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:12,840 Then all of a sudden, there was this lamppost. 578 00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,160 Lamppost? Well, this dog ran out. 579 00:30:16,380 --> 00:30:17,380 Oh, Jack. 580 00:30:18,980 --> 00:30:23,680 Look, just tell me where the car is right now, at this moment. 581 00:30:24,620 --> 00:30:27,320 Surbiton. Shunted up a bleeding lamppost? 582 00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:28,680 Well, yeah. 583 00:30:30,420 --> 00:30:34,300 Right. You get a breakdown truck and you take it the rest of the way. 584 00:30:34,780 --> 00:30:35,920 And Jack... 585 00:30:36,300 --> 00:30:37,300 What's that, Rose? 586 00:30:37,340 --> 00:30:39,460 Don't go banging into any more land posts. 587 00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:41,540 Oh, no danger. I won't do that again. 588 00:30:41,820 --> 00:30:43,120 I gave me near right bang. 589 00:30:43,340 --> 00:30:47,320 Can you find it all right? No problem. It's just across the street from the... 590 00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:52,480 From the, er... From what, Jack? 591 00:31:06,930 --> 00:31:07,930 Police station. 592 00:31:09,750 --> 00:31:10,750 Rose. 593 00:31:11,570 --> 00:31:12,730 What's wrong with Jolly Jack's leg? 594 00:31:12,990 --> 00:31:15,070 Oh, he's got a touch of arthritis, Papa Bella. 595 00:31:15,550 --> 00:31:16,650 Oh, you haven't got your drink? 596 00:31:16,910 --> 00:31:19,290 No, I've just come out to tell you I'm going to look for Arthur, see if the old 597 00:31:19,290 --> 00:31:22,390 bill are doing their stuff. Oh, no need. He'll ring you if he's got anything to 598 00:31:22,390 --> 00:31:23,229 tell you. 599 00:31:23,230 --> 00:31:26,390 Rose, it's not your neck they're going to squeeze, is it? It's mine and 600 00:31:26,390 --> 00:31:28,110 Arthur's. Oh, go on. 601 00:31:28,630 --> 00:31:29,630 Squeeze mine. 602 00:31:30,110 --> 00:31:31,470 You've got lovely hands, you know. 603 00:31:32,770 --> 00:31:35,190 But you're all right, Rose, but your timing is rotten. 604 00:31:35,550 --> 00:31:36,469 No, it's not. 605 00:31:36,470 --> 00:31:37,470 Yes, it is. 606 00:31:37,630 --> 00:31:38,630 No, it's not. 607 00:31:38,870 --> 00:31:39,870 It is. 608 00:31:39,950 --> 00:31:40,950 It isn't. 609 00:31:40,970 --> 00:31:43,570 I'm going to have a nice, relaxing bath. 610 00:31:51,870 --> 00:31:52,870 Rose. 611 00:31:53,590 --> 00:31:59,510 One of my little luxuries is to drink champagne in a steaming hot bath after 612 00:31:59,510 --> 00:32:00,850 ears in body dance. 613 00:32:01,950 --> 00:32:02,950 Sort of. 614 00:32:03,420 --> 00:32:05,820 Bubbles inside and out, you might say. 615 00:32:06,540 --> 00:32:09,780 Look, I've got till noon tomorrow before I start feeling the pain. 616 00:32:10,260 --> 00:32:11,600 There's a bottle in the fridge. 617 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,100 Be a dear and bring me up a glass, would you? 618 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:15,480 Will you listen? 619 00:32:16,020 --> 00:32:17,020 Bathroom's upstairs. 620 00:32:17,900 --> 00:32:19,000 Better than right. 621 00:33:27,530 --> 00:33:29,250 Come on in, darling. 622 00:33:29,530 --> 00:33:30,530 Oh, lovely. 623 00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:57,740 Yeah, it's all right. Go on. 624 00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:00,680 That's it? 625 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,560 Got it. Anything else? 626 00:34:05,180 --> 00:34:07,320 I've a pound of filberts. What are they? 627 00:34:09,980 --> 00:34:11,040 Same to you, dear. 628 00:34:12,340 --> 00:34:14,739 Oh, um, should be home by eight o 'clock. 629 00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:16,780 Nothing much going on here. 630 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:19,280 Yeah, bye -bye, sweetheart. 631 00:34:22,179 --> 00:34:23,179 The wife. 632 00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,120 She doesn't like to eat later than eight o 'clock. 633 00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,560 Yeah, look, Charlie, can't you do something? 634 00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:29,638 Like what? 635 00:34:29,639 --> 00:34:31,880 Oh, ring round, see if anyone's seen the car. 636 00:34:32,300 --> 00:34:35,719 Arthur, have you any idea how many police stations there are in London? 637 00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,719 You're not like the way you're shown on the telly, I tell you that. There, it's 638 00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:41,880 one phone call after another, grab your hat and off. Diving in and out of cars, 639 00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:44,800 bells ringing in all directions, booking down on murder one. 640 00:34:45,300 --> 00:34:47,820 Here, it's like the rest time at the old folks' home. 641 00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:50,219 Sit down, Arthur. 642 00:34:58,990 --> 00:35:01,010 What's Rosie Mellor's got on you? 643 00:35:01,450 --> 00:35:02,810 Nothing. Why? 644 00:35:03,290 --> 00:35:06,710 Because in all my years, I've never known you so much as help an old lady 645 00:35:06,710 --> 00:35:08,670 the street unless you were paid for it. 646 00:35:08,910 --> 00:35:10,390 How dare you? 647 00:35:10,690 --> 00:35:14,830 And here you are having a hernia about whether Charlie Mellor's missus gets her 648 00:35:14,830 --> 00:35:15,830 motor back. 649 00:35:16,130 --> 00:35:17,130 No, Arthur. 650 00:35:17,250 --> 00:35:18,410 It rings false. 651 00:35:19,670 --> 00:35:20,670 Charlie. 652 00:35:21,610 --> 00:35:22,630 Nice, nice time. 653 00:35:23,650 --> 00:35:24,990 Mrs Mellor's is a friend. 654 00:35:25,270 --> 00:35:27,350 What are friends for if not to help one another? 655 00:35:27,670 --> 00:35:28,670 Not in here. 656 00:35:28,830 --> 00:35:34,110 Arthur, in Mrs. Mellor's world, friends are for grassing on. 657 00:35:34,890 --> 00:35:35,890 Take my tip. 658 00:35:36,010 --> 00:35:37,290 Find some better company. 659 00:35:38,150 --> 00:35:40,430 May I use your telephone, please? Phone my associate. 660 00:35:41,350 --> 00:35:42,910 Would that be Tony McCann? 661 00:35:43,130 --> 00:35:44,130 It would. 662 00:35:44,530 --> 00:35:48,970 He's helping you look for it, too, is he? He is exploring every avenue. 663 00:35:53,770 --> 00:35:56,390 A bit like Lady Chatterley's lover, isn't it? 664 00:35:57,610 --> 00:35:58,710 I know, I never saw it. 665 00:35:59,330 --> 00:36:00,330 It's a book. 666 00:36:01,250 --> 00:36:03,170 About this lady and her gamekeeper. 667 00:36:03,650 --> 00:36:04,990 And you're the chauffeur. 668 00:36:06,450 --> 00:36:09,830 Yeah, it all happens in the suburbs, don't it? I think I never believed all 669 00:36:09,830 --> 00:36:10,830 Sunday papers. 670 00:36:16,270 --> 00:36:17,790 Hold on, hold on. 671 00:36:18,430 --> 00:36:19,650 What am I doing here? 672 00:36:20,130 --> 00:36:21,650 We don't know by now, love. 673 00:36:22,190 --> 00:36:23,710 I should be out looking for your motor. 674 00:36:24,090 --> 00:36:25,090 Oh, don't worry. 675 00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:28,260 I'll put in a good word for you with Mr Tajvir. 676 00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:34,180 I should imagine that good words don't butter too many lamb curries with your 677 00:36:34,180 --> 00:36:35,180 Tajvir. 678 00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:39,120 No, I'm sorry, love. Excuse me. 679 00:36:39,740 --> 00:36:40,740 Where are you going? 680 00:36:41,140 --> 00:36:42,700 I want to find out and see what's happening. 681 00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:45,340 Oh, don't go. We haven't finished the bottle yet. 682 00:36:46,540 --> 00:36:47,580 Well, you finish it, eh? 683 00:36:48,140 --> 00:36:49,160 Then you can have a kip. 684 00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:51,960 That old afternoon. 685 00:37:31,660 --> 00:37:32,660 That was quick. 686 00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:34,900 Yeah, well, I decided to phone him myself. 687 00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:36,400 What did he say? 688 00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:41,560 Well, the old bill seemed to think your car's on its way to the continent. 689 00:37:41,980 --> 00:37:42,980 Oh, no. 690 00:37:43,100 --> 00:37:44,580 Yeah, so Arthur's gone to Bodmer. 691 00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:46,400 Fancy. 692 00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:48,220 Your phone was off the hook. 693 00:37:48,540 --> 00:37:49,540 Of course. 694 00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:51,260 I don't take calls when I'm busy. 695 00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:56,560 So you're not going after all? 696 00:37:56,840 --> 00:38:00,040 No. Can't see any point both me and Arthur being down there. 697 00:38:00,970 --> 00:38:01,970 Cheers. 698 00:38:43,310 --> 00:38:44,370 I've got a bit of a problem. 699 00:38:51,610 --> 00:38:54,090 You given any more thought about running my flower shop? 700 00:38:55,570 --> 00:38:56,710 Yeah, I have as it happens, yeah. 701 00:38:57,070 --> 00:38:58,070 What do you reckon? 702 00:38:59,650 --> 00:39:01,070 Well, if you still want me to do it, fine. 703 00:39:02,690 --> 00:39:05,170 I reckon we'd make a really good partnership, you and me. 704 00:39:07,470 --> 00:39:11,470 Marks and Spencers, Laurel and Hardy, and now Mellors and McCain. 705 00:39:12,620 --> 00:39:13,680 McCain and Mellon. 706 00:39:15,700 --> 00:39:16,740 Rose, you're all art. 707 00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:20,680 I'll bet that's Arthur from Bognor. 708 00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:22,880 Do I get it? 709 00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:28,840 Hello? Is that you, Terry? 710 00:39:29,060 --> 00:39:30,220 Yes, Arthur, it's me, yeah. 711 00:39:30,540 --> 00:39:31,680 They found a car. 712 00:39:33,140 --> 00:39:34,140 The coppers. 713 00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:36,140 It was in Surbiton. 714 00:39:36,700 --> 00:39:37,700 Oh, dear. 715 00:39:37,900 --> 00:39:39,000 What do you mean, oh, dear? 716 00:39:39,260 --> 00:39:41,860 Well, just keep looking, Arthur. That's all you can do, really, isn't it? 717 00:39:42,250 --> 00:39:43,610 Terry, are you listening to me? 718 00:39:44,010 --> 00:39:46,070 Yeah, you did make good time to Bogner, didn't you? 719 00:39:46,690 --> 00:39:48,890 Bogner? What's Bogner got to do with it? 720 00:39:49,190 --> 00:39:50,190 Exactly, mate. 721 00:39:50,230 --> 00:39:51,370 Well, keep on trucking, eh? 722 00:39:51,670 --> 00:39:52,629 Keep on what? 723 00:39:52,630 --> 00:39:53,630 Terry? 724 00:39:54,090 --> 00:39:55,090 Terry? 725 00:39:56,990 --> 00:39:58,810 How well do you know this half a bloke? 726 00:39:59,930 --> 00:40:00,930 Oh, not very well. 727 00:40:01,490 --> 00:40:02,490 Trust him, can you? 728 00:40:03,670 --> 00:40:07,170 About as far as I can throw him. I reckon he's behind it all, you know. 729 00:40:08,430 --> 00:40:09,430 Oh, that? No. 730 00:40:10,070 --> 00:40:14,020 Yeah. I reckon he found out Mr. Tashbeer's racket and stepped in. 731 00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:15,960 Really? 732 00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:23,060 Thanks very much. You chaps have done a grand job. I'll take over now. Get the 733 00:40:23,060 --> 00:40:25,560 motor back to its owner. Why not? I don't have much time. 734 00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:27,660 Just as soon as we've turned it over. 735 00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:29,560 Turned it over? 736 00:40:29,660 --> 00:40:30,660 Searched it. 737 00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:33,100 What do you want to search it for? Just no tea left, eh? 738 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:35,000 Oh, hang on. 739 00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:38,680 What's he doing here? 740 00:40:38,860 --> 00:40:40,120 He's the chap that nicked it. 741 00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:41,680 Know him, do you? 742 00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:46,600 Don't you work for Rose Mellors? 743 00:40:46,900 --> 00:40:47,900 Rose Mellors? 744 00:40:48,100 --> 00:40:48,999 Who's she? 745 00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:52,900 Never heard of her. I remember you. When we was looking for that buried money. 746 00:40:53,140 --> 00:40:55,240 You was on her side. Not me, mate. 747 00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,920 Here. What are you doing to Mrs. Mellors' motor? 748 00:41:01,220 --> 00:41:02,320 Just giving her to service. 749 00:41:03,900 --> 00:41:05,300 This is vandalism. 750 00:41:11,990 --> 00:41:15,190 Hello? Terry. Yes, Arthur, yeah. You're not going to believe this. 751 00:41:15,610 --> 00:41:17,110 They're stripping the car down. 752 00:41:17,950 --> 00:41:19,050 They're searching it. 753 00:41:19,290 --> 00:41:20,290 Well, where are you? 754 00:41:23,390 --> 00:41:24,390 Yeah. 755 00:41:25,210 --> 00:41:28,630 I see. Now, you might as well come home, then. No point in staying down in 756 00:41:28,630 --> 00:41:29,609 Bognor, is there? 757 00:41:29,610 --> 00:41:32,550 They sure want to paddle. There you go with Bognor again. 758 00:41:33,030 --> 00:41:35,450 Look, aren't you listening to what I'm saying, Terry? 759 00:41:36,030 --> 00:41:37,770 Hello, is it some sort of cross line? 760 00:41:38,170 --> 00:41:38,948 Yeah, OK. 761 00:41:38,950 --> 00:41:40,450 Tell them, mate, I'll see you. Terry? 762 00:41:48,129 --> 00:41:49,350 Fancy going out for a bite to eat? 763 00:41:49,690 --> 00:41:50,690 We can eat here. 764 00:41:51,890 --> 00:41:53,410 Come on, what am I, a kept man? 765 00:41:54,470 --> 00:41:55,550 Anything you say, love. 766 00:42:19,339 --> 00:42:20,339 Arthur. 767 00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:29,760 Where are we going? 768 00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:32,400 Oh, it's just a little place I know. 769 00:42:32,940 --> 00:42:37,000 The wine's a bit presumptuous, but the haricot verre, oh, a culinary delight. 770 00:42:43,260 --> 00:42:44,260 We shall here go. 771 00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:48,580 Well, well, well. 772 00:42:49,879 --> 00:42:51,360 Pull over here, mate. What's that? 773 00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:52,800 I've got to see a bloke. 774 00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:58,040 I'll wait here for you. 775 00:42:58,520 --> 00:42:59,860 No, come on. I want to show you something. 776 00:43:00,240 --> 00:43:01,240 No. 777 00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:02,600 Yeah, come on. 778 00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:07,320 Won't be a minute. 779 00:43:20,780 --> 00:43:21,780 What you doing here? 780 00:43:21,980 --> 00:43:23,580 What was all that about Bogner? 781 00:43:23,980 --> 00:43:26,580 Look, friend of yours there, madam. 782 00:43:27,240 --> 00:43:28,240 Mrs. Mellors? 783 00:43:28,940 --> 00:43:31,180 Yes. I've got your motor here. 784 00:43:31,620 --> 00:43:32,620 So I see. 785 00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:34,120 And the culprit. 786 00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:38,060 Yeah, what you get for nicking cars these days? Four, five years? I can't 787 00:43:38,060 --> 00:43:39,380 remember. Rose. 788 00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:41,440 Listen, fella. 789 00:43:42,700 --> 00:43:44,240 It was all a mistake. 790 00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:45,999 How's that? 791 00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:48,260 I gave Jack permission to take the car. 792 00:43:48,620 --> 00:43:49,780 In a pig's ear, you did. 793 00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:51,240 Now, straight up, I forgot. 794 00:43:52,100 --> 00:43:55,320 I gave him the spare keys and told him I wanted the car serviced. 795 00:43:56,080 --> 00:43:59,300 Well, he's a nice lad, but his brain's with gunpowder. He wouldn't have enough 796 00:43:59,300 --> 00:44:00,620 to blow his hat off. Know what I mean? 797 00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:04,920 So I suppose when he saw it parked, he just took it off to the garage, didn't 798 00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:05,638 he, Jack? 799 00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:08,860 And the garage is the other side of Surbiton, I suppose. 800 00:44:09,720 --> 00:44:10,720 That's right. 801 00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:11,800 How do you get? 802 00:44:17,900 --> 00:44:20,980 I don't know what your game is, but I'm warning you, any more of this and I'll 803 00:44:20,980 --> 00:44:23,320 have the lot of you for wasting police time and money. 804 00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:25,400 Charlie, don't forget the filbert. 805 00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:34,760 Taxi outside, pay it off, will you? 806 00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:38,120 Oh, thanks, Rand. 807 00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:39,920 No, Jack, the key! 808 00:44:40,720 --> 00:44:41,720 Oh. 809 00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:48,160 Thank you, Jack. Thank you. 810 00:44:51,700 --> 00:44:52,700 Yeah, 811 00:44:52,900 --> 00:44:53,900 where do you think you're going? 812 00:44:54,080 --> 00:44:55,080 I don't know, Rose. 813 00:44:55,260 --> 00:44:56,260 You tell me. 814 00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:03,940 Yeah, no hard feelings, eh? 815 00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:08,340 I mean, Rose just said it was going to be a bit of a lark. She said, here, you 816 00:45:08,340 --> 00:45:09,460 couldn't give us a lift, could you? 817 00:45:09,980 --> 00:45:10,980 I've hurt me knee. 818 00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:13,800 Come on, Opelon. Oh, thanks. 819 00:45:14,220 --> 00:45:15,240 Honest, I mean that. 820 00:45:15,550 --> 00:45:17,470 You're a real gent. Oh, shut up. 821 00:45:38,930 --> 00:45:42,670 You hired Arthur and me just to carry the can for you, didn't you? 822 00:45:43,770 --> 00:45:45,900 Well... You win a few, lose a few. 823 00:45:46,980 --> 00:45:48,820 And what about all those little games in there, eh? 824 00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:53,120 They were just to while away the hours before Sabu made Bombay Mints out of us. 825 00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:57,100 Terry, I never could control myself with you, you know that. 826 00:45:57,580 --> 00:45:58,920 It's not nice, Rome. 827 00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:03,060 Well, not a very nice person, am I? 828 00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:06,240 Bet your mum warned you about women like me. 829 00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:11,620 There's a lot of money here, Terry. 830 00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:15,250 Yeah. And it's all going back to Tajvir. 831 00:46:17,790 --> 00:46:18,790 Listen. 832 00:46:19,210 --> 00:46:21,810 He says you didn't have much track with that Arthur bloke. 833 00:46:22,350 --> 00:46:24,670 Well, I could tell Tajvir it was him who took him. 834 00:46:25,050 --> 00:46:27,310 Then you and me, straight down the middle. 835 00:46:27,530 --> 00:46:28,530 50 -50. 836 00:46:30,010 --> 00:46:32,090 Well, you're an original, Rose, I'll give you that. 837 00:46:33,610 --> 00:46:34,610 60 -40. 838 00:46:36,830 --> 00:46:41,600 Listen. You wouldn't want me to tell your dearly beloved husband how I know 839 00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:43,300 drink champagne in a bath, would you? 840 00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:46,060 Terry, you wouldn't. He goes spare. 841 00:46:47,540 --> 00:46:48,540 They go back. 842 00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:50,960 All right. 843 00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:52,240 They go back. 844 00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:58,820 Hey, nip down, get another bottle of champagne, eh? 845 00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:40,880 I've changed the situation. 846 00:47:44,980 --> 00:47:49,220 Right people, right time, just the wrong location. 847 00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:55,340 I've got a good idea. 848 00:47:56,880 --> 00:48:02,060 If you keep me near, I'll be so good for you. I'm 849 00:48:02,060 --> 00:48:05,280 going to help you. 850 00:48:05,740 --> 00:48:12,480 Nothing I can want me to I'll do anything for you I'll be 851 00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:16,720 so good, boy I can be so good for you I'll do